A Year Ago

  "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your steps."

Proverbs 3:5-6

It was year ago today that we made the decision to officially begin our adoption journey and put our faith into action. (The seed was planted years before and the decision, in my mind, was made months before, but we needed to wait for His perfect peace.) I will never forget the days and months leading up to the morning when our MCC (Medical Conditions Checklist) was finally submitted to our agency.

Our story began in February 2012 with a beautiful child whom we fell head over heals in love with. (She shall remain anonymous in the event her family is reading this.) Another adoptive mom, and friend,  pointed her out to me on her agencies waiting child page, and we immediately wanted to know more about her. We requested her file and the agency graciously sent it. We knew that she had some potentially significant medical needs and we were willing to consider them based on the limited medical information we had at that time. It is common, and highly recommended, for any family considering a referral that they have a physician experienced with international adoption (IA) review the file before submitting a LOI (Letter of Intent) to adopt the child. So, we sent her file to a widely known IA doctor and she reviewed it for us. The news that we received was not good. Her medical needs were more than what we initially anticipated. I could not accept it. I did what any mom would do and contacted some specialists to get more answers about her condition and their opinion on her long term prognosis.  I also called the agency to request an update from Chin@ with some very specific medical tests the specialists recommended be done on her. After 3 very long months, the update I requested had finally arrived WITH all but one test done! (That one test was the most critical of all and would have been the most telling to rule out the scariest of the diagnoses, by the way.) So, we sent everything back to the IA doctor again and waited for her opinion, holding onto hope that the news would be better this time around. She got back to us with the same prognosis: "My opinion is unchanged." Once again, we sent everything we had back to the cardiology team, neurology team, dermatology team, and our own sweet pediatrician for one final review. Sadly, they all shared the same thoughts as the IA doctor even with the updates we now had.  In early June, we met with our pediatrician and he delivered the news that we did not want to hear. The grief set in even though I knew in my heart he would likely deliver the same news as the rest of the specialists. Hearing it was terribly painful and he was brutally honest: "There are other children to adopt." I wanted her to be our daughter and wanted to be able to say "yes" to her so badly. It hurt beyond words.

We grieved that whole summer for her and felt so burdened for saying "no" when she needed someone to desperately say "yes".  Adoption was put on hold and was not discussed at all until our hearts were healed.

Psalm 30:5 "...weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning."

So thankful for this verse as it truly carried me through some of my hardest days that summer. God reminded me that whatever the season is, He is faithful, the sun will rise, and He will carry us through whatever storm we may be in the midst of. Saying no and returning her file was my storm.

In an effort to remain completely transparent and honest, I want to disclose my feelings throughout this part because it is part of our journey and it is part of how we have arrived where we are now. Please don't hate judge. It is hard to share, and my grief was very real.

Prior to the last meeting with our pediatrician, I wrestled back and forth about whether or not I was truly following God's will for her, for our children at home, and for our marriage, based on hearing unfavorable news not once, but twice. I questioned, "Were we really the ones called to parent this precious child?", "Was this the child that God intended for us?", "Was this the sister for our other children still living at home with us?", "Was it fair to them?", "What about the potential financial consequences to our family for her surgeries and therapies if she required life long care?", and the questions (and doubts) went on and on. The bottom line- I did not have His perfect peace. She was not meant to be ours. I had to accept it and let the healing begin.

We decided when we felt God's nudge again we would use a local agency and one that came highly recommended by other adoptive families we knew and trusted. We knew we wanted a fresh start and we would want to limit any reminders from the last experience as much as possible because it was so painful. We decided that we would allow our agency to match us with our daughter rather than seek her out on our own. (This is part of the reason why we are still waiting.) We knew about many medical conditions based on the research and discussions we had related to that particular file and also because Lia Grace's grandpa is a doctor. My parents have also been able to answer many questions for us related to numerous medical conditions, syndromes, etc. and we are so grateful for their insight and support.

Fast forward to early April 2013. Here is where Lia Grace's journey begins. Both Michael and I were feeling the nudge again, but we still had some questions. I contacted our agency just to get a few questions answered. I believe that call was the push we needed. The questions we had were answered and it couldn't have been made any clearer to us that the time was NOW! We needed to get out of the boat, step onto the water, have faith, and trust in Him.

April 12, 2013- It was a gorgeous morning, and Michael and I were having our usual morning coffee together dishing about life, kids, etc. The conversation led to adoption and we decided to start our MCC. We sat on our couch and carefully reviewed each medical condition one by one as we discussed each one. After going through 80-something conditions, we happily pushed "submit" and off it went! :)  Here is what we do know about our daughter and are happy to share:

• She will be between 12 and 36 months of age,
• She will have at least one medical need,
• She will have developmental delays, which is typical for institutionalized children, and
• She will more than likely come from the Hen@n province of Ch*na. This province is very poor with lots of rural areas and has the highest population of special needs children.

With our agency, the wait for a referral begins the day the MCC is submitted, not the application. Today marks one year we have been waiting. We are one year closer to seeing Lia Grace's sweet face and having her in her forever home. Although the wait is not "easy", we do have His perfect peace. We feel your prayers and ask that you continue to pray for LG and for all His waiting children.

Thank you for your continued outpouring of encouragement, love, generosity, and support!

 

Thank you Lord for your Perfect Peace throughout the wait...

Isaiah 26:3-4